Toby's Revenge
by Sonata IX
Summary: A sniffle a day keeps the Goblin King away. One shot.


**Author's Notes:** This was written as part of the holiday drabble exchange on the LJ labyfic community. It was written for kimouski, for the prompt "Jareth, Sarah and the runny nose from hell." I have no idea how infant sicknesses are treated or what symptoms might be normal, so I made something up that sounded somewhat sensible to me. The idea for this came from something my brother once (unwittingly) did to my mom.

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The white owl sat perched on a branch near Toby's window.

Sarah looked up from tending the infant and glared outside. She knew exactly who that owl was, and she knew that _he_ knew that she knew. It was for exactly that reason that she never left her brother alone for more than an instant when her parents (and _step_-parent, she grumbled to herself) were gone. Even though the Goblin King had no power over her and she'd on Toby's freedom, she didn't trust him not to retrieve what she'd 'stolen' back from him.

Toby squalled and she dabbed gently at his face. The poor kid had caught some cold-like virus. The doctor had prepared a special liquid medicine for him to take with each meal and cautioned her family to keep a close eye on the child, but luckily Toby's symptoms had remained mild...with one exception.

"I didn't know such small nostrils could produce so much goop," Sarah muttered. She was using a warm, damp cloth to dab the mucus from Toby's face. Her stepmother preferred the rubber bulb to suction his nose, but he cried every time she used it. Sarah dubbed it an unnecessary cruelty, something her stepmother used rather than having to touch a snotty baby.

Her hand brushed Toby's face and she noted the unnatural warmth. If he was running a fever again, it was definitely time for more medicine. Unfortunately, that meant a trip to the kitchen. The owl leaned forward on its perch and hooted a soft, "Soon, soon."

Moving casually towards the bedroom door, Sarah kept one eye on the owl. She hated to let Toby out of her sight, but he did have his own defenses...after a fashion. She hesitated on the threshold, then darted out the door and made a mad dash for the kitchen.

The bedroom door slammed shut behind her and the owl rose up, beating its wings against the windows. Simultaneously, a yelp and a loud crash sounded from the hallway. The owl burst into the room and a moment later, Jareth was standing over Toby's cradle, smirking. The goblins had clearly set their trap well. He chuckled as he visualized Sarah catching her ankle on the tripwire and tumbling down the stairs, knocking over the end table and the host of fragile collectibles her stepmother had decorated it with.

He had no fear that she'd actually hurt herself in the fall. _He_ would know. But by the time she'd picked up the pieces and collected the medicine, it would be too late.

He leaned over the cradle...and the bedroom door burst open.

For a moment, he and Sarah stared at each other with similar expressions of surprise. Sarah's turned slowly to horror as Jareth's melted into a pleased smirk. She must not have waited to clean up the mess _or_ prepare the medicine.

"You're too late, Sarah. This one is mine!" He gathered the child in his arms. Toby chortled and tugged the Goblin King's hair in delight. Jareth gave Sarah a sly grin as he lifted the boy to place the mark on his forehead that would forever bind him to the Underground.

Sarah's eyes widened. "No, wait! Don't-"

It was too late. Puckering his lips, Jareth placed a big kiss on Toby's forehead.

Sarah winced.

"_BLECCHH!_"

The gagging noise Jareth was making was very unkingly. He thrust the child away from him so quickly he almost dropped him. Sarah moved in quickly, taking Toby from Jareth's unresisting arms as he sputtered and coughed.

"I tried to warn you," she sighed. She studied Toby's face and saw that it was as she expected. In the few seconds he was left alone, the infant had managed to smear snot all over his face. When Jareth tried to plant his dreaded kiss, he instead got a whole mouthful of mucus. She picked up the cloth and carefully cleaned Toby's face, turning a glare on Jareth.

The Goblin King was paying no attention. Stumbling and choking, he all but tumbled out the window and transformed back into an owl. Its indignant squawks as it flew off were echoed by Sarah's mocking laughter.

The next day, Toby's illness was markedly improved. Sarah rolled her eyes when her father told her she had a magic touch. She was more interested in keeping magic _away_.

Oddly enough, the owl never returned. When she questioned Hoggle about it, the dwarf broke into peals of laughter.

Apparently, Jareth had come down with a cold of his own the next day. Too arrogant to let mere illness interfere with the domination of his lands, the Goblin King went about his duties as if nothing was wrong. Within days, half the goblin population had fallen ill as well. But that wasn't the worst of it.

"What was the worst of it?" Sarah queried innocently.

Hoggle's expression was somewhere between a grin and a grimace. "_Never again_, I ain't ever want to see a False Alarm with a runny nose. There ain't no one with a nose bigger'n that!"


End file.
